If you’re not used to being assertive, it can be hard to know how to start. The first step is acknowledging that being assertive is a skill that you can learn, and that it’s something you’re willing to work on.
Assertiveness is about being able to communicate your needs and desires in a way that is respectful of yourself and others. It’s the ability to stand up for yourself, without putting down others.
The ability to be assertive is a key communication skill. People who are assertive can stand up for themselves and their beliefs, while also respecting the rights of others. Being assertive can help you build better relationships, both personal and professional.
Passive, aggressive, and assertive communication
There are three types of communication: passive, aggressive, and assertive. Passive communication is when you don’t speak up for yourself, and let others control the situation. Aggressive communication is when you try to control the situation by putting others down. Assertive communication is when you share your thoughts and feelings in a way that is respectful of yourself and others.
When you’re communicating assertively, you’re able to stay in control of the situation while still respecting others. This type of communication can help reduce stress, improve relationships, and boost your mental health and overall well-being.
What should I do to be more assertive?
If you’re hesitant to be assertive, start by focusing on the specific situations where it would make a difference in your life. For example, if you tend to shy away from asking for what you want in social settings, try approaching situations where networking is involved to start with. Doing this will help you become more comfortable with your new way of acting and increase your chances of success.
There are plenty of resources available to help you learn. You can start by reading books or articles on the subject, or attending workshops or courses (like our course “Setting Up Habits“). You could also seek some professional help.
No matter what method you choose, remember that being assertive is a skill that takes time and practice to master. But with patience and perseverance, you can learn how to communicate in a way that is both respectful and effective.
Tips for being more assertive:
- Be aware of your body language. Make sure your body language communicates confidence and openness. It is best not to cross your arms or legs, as it can give the impression that you are closed off.
- Use “I” statements. For example, say “I feel _____” instead of “You make me feel _____.” By doing so, you will help the other person feel less defensive and more able to hear what your point of view is.
- Avoid using absolutes. For example, instead of saying “You always forget to call me back,” try “I would appreciate it if you could return my calls within 24 hours.” This will help the other person feel like they are not being attacked and are more likely to be receptive to what you are saying.
- Be direct. State what you want or need in a clear and concise manner. Avoid beating around the bush or making indirect requests.
- Be aware of your tone of voice. Make sure your tone conveys confidence, not uncertainty or hostility. Avoid sounding whiny, judgmental, or condescending.
- Be willing to compromise. Assertiveness does not mean getting everything you want all the time. It means being able to negotiate effectively so that both parties feel like they have gained something from the interaction.
In conclusion, assertiveness is the middle ground that can help us have better communication and protect us from being too passive or aggressive. Many factors can cause a lack of assertiveness, including low self-esteem, past negative experiences, fear of retaliation, and social awkwardness. Assertive persons take responsibility for their thoughts, feelings, and needs. They are aware of their strengths and weaknesses and are confident about expressing themselves. Integrate the assertiveness practice into your daily routine, like the Self-Care Program, can help you connect it to other habits, be more constant, and better follow your results.
You just need to find your own way to be more assertive. And keep practicing!
